Fester, Fester, Fester

“When people tell me they are happy, my ass begins to twitch.” – French Kiss

Every so often, I have the movie French Kiss playing in the background of my mind. Today is one of the days.

No, I cannot tell you why it happens.

But I can tell you…I never regret it when it does.

“Of course you know him. All you bastards know each other.”

Is there any wonder this is probably still, after all these years, one of my favorite movies. The words of Kate circle around in my mind today: “A healthy person is someone who expresses what they’re feeling inside. Express, not repress.” I was told recently how I am a very private person and getting any information out of me is like pulling teeth. Fantastic. I am going to be Luc sitting around, “mumbling to myself, “My ass is twitching. You people make my ass twitch.”

“Fester, fester, fester. Rot, rot, rot.”

It could be worse, right?

I both love and hate days where I question myself. It’s a love/hate relationship. Part of me loves delving into the cobwebs of my mind to try and figure out why I act the way I do. The other part of me gets bored and thinks: dude, you are fine; stop worrying. If I really thought about it, I could pinpoint around the age when I stopped opening up to those around me. I hate psychology. But instead, why not think about what I can do to change, to grow as a person. So that in the future my friends (and family) don’t feel like they have to pull my teeth whenever they are worried. Granted another part of me is like…dude you do not want to know my thought process. It is long, full of pros and con lists and a maze of crazy.

I should start working on being more open, right? At least try? What could it hurt?

Famous last words.

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