control…

Why do I feel the need to try to control the little things in my life? If I assert control over certain aspects of my life, maybe I won’t feel so…lost and tired. This morning, I cannot help but think if it is all in my head. Sometimes I wish I was more like other people… It seems to come so easily to other people. Being able to be spontaneous and in the moment.

In the moment sucks for me.

At least most of the time being in the moment sucks for me. Usually, I am someplace else in my mind. How can I feel more alone with a group of people than I do when I am sitting around by myself?

I need to stop letting these thoughts enter in my head. … again the illusion of control….

This past three-day weekend has been wonderful. I spent time with my family, saw a few movies in the theater, hung out with friends Saturday night and Sunday I spent the day in my pajamas (finally watching the season finale’s that I recorded – although I didn’t record the actual season finale of Supernatural – which makes me super sad). It came to my attention over the weekend that my mom hasn’t watched Parks and Recreation. So last night we watched all of season one and a couple of episodes of season two before I tore myself away to go to bed.

Now it is Monday….and time to get back to reality of the work week. I think I still need to recover from Saturday night. Granted, I had a lot of fun with friends, but now I am just sleepy. I hate feeling like this sometimes.

It reminds me I really do not have control.

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