I suck at feelings. I suck at emotions.
This morning, I took another one of those stupid Meyers-Briggs test. Last year, I was INTP. As of this morning, I am INTJ. The difference between the two, in a nut shell, is that one has their feet on their ground and the other the head is off in the clouds. For example: When INTPs are particularly excited, the conversation can border on incoherence as they try to explain the daisy-chain of logical conclusions that led to the formation of their latest idea.
Where as INTJs radiate self-confidence and an aura of mystery, and their insightful observations, original ideas and formidable logic enable them to push change through with sheer willpower and force of personality. At times it will seem that INTJs are bent on deconstructing and rebuilding every idea and system they come into contact with, employing a sense of perfectionism and even morality to this work. Anyone who doesn’t have the talent to keep up with INTJs’ processes, or worse yet, doesn’t see the point of them, is likely to immediately and permanently lose their respect.
White lies and small talk are hard enough as it is for a type that craves truth and depth, but INTJs may go so far as to see many social conventions as downright stupid…
…INTJs are defined by their tendency to move through life as though it were a giant chess board, pieces constantly shifting with consideration and intelligence, always assessing new tactics, strategies and contingency plans, constantly outmaneuvering their peers in order to maintain control of a situation while maximizing their freedom to move about. – INTJ
At first it was kind of disheartening to read about what an un-feeling rationalist I am. But as I read on and reached the “emotions” part of this personality type, I couldn’t help but relax a little.
People with the INTJ personality type take pride in remaining rational and logical at all times, considering honesty and straightforward information to be paramount to euphemisms and platitudes in almost all circumstances. In many ways though, these qualities of coolness and detachment aren’t the weapons of truth that they appear to be, but are instead shields designed to protect the inner emotions that INTJs feel. In fact, because their emotions are such an underdeveloped tool, INTJs often feel them more strongly than many overtly emotional types because they simply haven’t learned how to control them effectively.
Aha! I am not a robot! I just don’t know how to deal with my emotions.
I could have already told you that part though.
This has been eye-opening for me…again. Because let’s face it, our personalities change through out our life time. If they didn’t, then we wouldn’t be growing and learning. That is my worst fear…staying in the same place. Being the same person I was even a year ago. That is positively terrifying to me. Granted, I still have my head in the clouds sometimes, but I realize I am more the paradox of INTJ.
INTJs are able to live by glaring contradictions that nonetheless make perfect sense – at least from a purely rational perspective. For example, INTJs are simultaneously the most starry-eyed idealists and the bitterest of cynics, a seemingly impossible conflict. But this is because INTJ types tend to believe that with effort, intelligence and consideration, nothing is impossible, while at the same time they believe that people are too lazy, short-sighted or self-serving to actually achieve those fantastic results. Yet that cynical view of reality is unlikely to stop an interested INTJ from achieving a result they believe to be relevant.
Time to do more research. Time to delve deeper and ask myself questions and figure out how to grow from here. Notice the word grow instead of go. That is on purpose.