I love passing off things to Future Laura. Ever since an How I Met Your Mother episode, I have liked the idea of passing off problems to Future Laura. Easier said than done. Today my mind is wondering if any version of Future Laura will actually have her shit together? Or if Future Laura, like Present Laura, will always feel this sense of discontentment and disempowerment. It’s quite depressing actually. Even more so, because I know I shouldn’t feel this way. But just because I know I shouldn’t feel this way, doesn’t mean I can just snap my fingers and make it go away. Fuck, wouldn’t that be wonderful to have that as a super power.
Sometimes I wish I could be different. This morning as I drove to work I had this internal battle between trying to decide if I want to go out and do something tonight, or if I want to stay in watching Netflix and crochet. I finally gave up trying to think about it after ten minutes of the fifteen minute drive.
It’s tough being different.
It’s worse when you are made to feel different. “What do you mean you don’t want to go out? It’s Friday night!” I swear a little big of me dies whenever I hear something like this. Dude, I know I am weird. You don’t have to keep reminding me.
I guess today is the day where Past Laura’s emotions were set aside for Future Laura to think about and dissect. Great…. This is why I shouldn’t pass things off to Future Laura. There is a time when it will come to the present and my mind won’t be able to push it away.
I just need get the fuck out of my own head. I need to stop comparing myself to others and be happy with what I do have. I don’t need to be more outgoing in the way society pressures me to be. I don’t need to let people who don’t really know me pressure me to be something I am not. There are people who understand me and accept my flaws. And I am damn lucky for them.
No more pushing things off for Future Laura to deal with. I am dealing with them now. Whether it be from fifteen years ago or an hour ago. It is time to get my head out of the sand and accept the things I cannot change and actually work on the things I can.
Let’s see how this goes…already I am exhausted from dealing with shit.