Another year come and gone. I doubt there will ever be a day where my mind isn’t plagued with the what ifs of my life. Today more so than normal.

You would be twenty-nine today. I know, rationally, I will never get to the answers, but that doesn’t stop my mind from wandering and my heart from yearning.

What if?

And now as the day ends, my mind still gets around to: what now?

So I spent the evening crocheting a scarf to help ease the emotions twisting around in my head space.

Even after all the years it still seems weird. I still sometimes expect the phone to ring with her voice on the other end stating: I’m bored. It never comes and it hurts. It makes me want to withdraw from the world and jump down the rabbit hole of the fictional world. I have a book to start the journey. All I need is a comfy seat for my back porch, or a hot bubble bath and it is on. Though not for tonight. Tonight is for dreaming up what if scenarios and wondering what you would be like today.

Tonight is for you.


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